Happy heart day everyone. I have had the pleasure of watching young love and old love around me enjoying the day set aside for them to celebrate their love. I do not feel cheated that for myself the day has no meaning. I do however feel slightly embarrassed when I’m asked what did you get for valentines, or are you going somewhere special for dinner, and my answer is simply we choose not to celebrate this day and move on to talk about something else. But it does not stop me from wishing others a happy heart day. I do wish I had something to celebrate…I know it will be happy furentines. My fur babies will be my valentines lol. Their love is unconditional, no matter what they are happy to see me. They never complain about their food. Lol.
Happy Furentines everyone that has fur babies. May their noses be cold and kisses sloppy.
Well we made it three days into the new year before the monster from the deep emerged. I do have to laugh at the pathetic attempt he made to try and upset me.
My fur baby and I were up early, went outside and cleared the deck and driveway of snow. The plough had been by and left quite a bit at the end of the driveway. I cleaned off my car, made some pathways in the yard for the pup to run in and then started on housework. All while he who wished to be obeyed sat on the couch playing video games and barking out requests. I want treats, make me breakfast, go get the mail, the driveway didn’t need it you could just drive on it to go to work. Seriously….I simply looked at him and said if you want breakfast make it yourself. I have a feeling he has ordered more pot which would be why he wants me to go for the mail. Because I said no I was called a bitch, told I was selfish, a selfish bitch. He began putting down the jewelry I make, saying it’s junk, garbage. Well I will let you be the judge…I’ve included a photo of the piece I made this morning.
Pathetic. He just doesn’t see or hear what he is doing. And I am quite sure he doesn’t care either.
If there is one thing to be said about a creator, it’s that they are always creating. Their mind or creative brain doesn’t quit. They are always in design mode day and night. I have a journal I keep near me to jot down ideas when they hit day and night. It’s not unusual to wake up during a deep sleep with an idea. My latest idea emerged while in the middle of a period of anger. He who wishes to be obeyed is ecstatic with the new Canadian law of legalized marijuana. I am not. The smell causes migraines for me, it lingers in the air and on my clothes. I have job which puts me in direct contact with the public. I do not want to smell like pot. I pointed this out to him. Did it change anything? Of course not and I didn’t think it would. I am angry with his selfishness, his insensitivity and lack of caring. I just described a narcissist didn’t I. I am currently secluded to one room at the back of the house with the door closed to keep out the smoke and smell. While sitting I looked at my tools and had an idea. A survivor bracelet. I chose three materials. Rattail cord which identifies the tightrope a survivor walks on, Green Jasper Agate beads signifying the hard outer shell a survivor must create in order to move forward. And a lava bead to remember that all things are possible through God. I love essential oils and can put a few drops on the lava bead which can give me something nice to smell anytime and anyplace. If you are interested as a survivor visit InsideTheJewelryBox
Christmas isn’t all lights and wishes when you live with a narcissist, but if you have Christmas spirit in your heart it can be a fairytale. You are the key in all this, you are the snowflake that falls in the darkness, catching shards of light and turning it into sparkling diamonds giving glimpses of Christmas magic. Choose not to allow your happiness to be smothered. Let the magic in you shine. Think of your outer self as stained glass. When your light shines within it illuminates your outer beauty.
A hobby of mine is creating jewelry. I can lose hours when creating. It helps me get through the tough days. Helps me remember the creative happy person I am. He who wishes to be obeyed sees nothing valuable in my hobby. But that’s ok because I don’t share his passion for video games. We are both passionate about our hobbies we just have different interests.
Today I would love to share my passion and invite you to visit my page on Facebook, InsideTheJewelryBox .
Communication…what does it mean to you? Communication comes in many forms. Electronic, verbal, written, body language, tone, it’s two way. How we perceive we are communicating may not necessarily be the way we are received. In fact some people are not able to communicate and don’t even know where to begin.
He who wishes to be obeyed is one of them. His method of communication is loud, at times arrogant and forceful. The words please and thank you are lost in his vocabulary. It is almost as though kindness, compliments and good deeds make him uncomfortable and he doesn’t know how to respond. When he wants something it comes across as a demand in a snide snarky way. He doesn’t see it that way nor does he understand that’s how it sounds. It is difficult to not take his tone personally and I suppose if it wasn’t for the fact I’m interested in the psychological aspect of his personality I would be long gone. I don’t profess to understand what he went through as a child because I was raised in a loving Christian home. But I do understand what he went through was traumatic and made him who he is today.
In the bible God tells us not to judge, to turn the other cheek and to forgive. I have been blessed, my entire life God has provided and paved my way. I am where I need to be this is my purpose. He who wishes to be obeyed always says I have more faith, a stronger faith than he does. When you believe you have peace.
There are many that will be able to sympathize with me today. It is definitely a sad day. My coffee maker, a popular brand that will remain unnamed, has bit the dust. Because of the size of part I need, very small yet very important, I called customer service to purchase one. The coffee maker was only purchased two years ago so it’s not that old. The part I need is a silicone gasket that surround the piercing needle to ensure a seal is created. I was informed that the coffee maker is no longer being manufactured and they have no seals….seriously you may as well have cut off my leg! Then I was told they would sell me a new one at 20% off the price. When I refused the offer the customer representative went on to apologize and offer me two boxes of 44 count coffee…. ok now call me crazy, but, I called to purchase a part for my coffee maker that is not working, and I’m offered coffee for it? I like to think of myself as a rational and common sense kind of person, but where does that make sense!! I started laughing and said unless you’re going to give me a machine that works the coffee is useless to me. Green mountain you need to tell your reps that they don’t have to stick to the script in front of them that sometimes a little brain work is necessary. I sat for a few hours looking at the part after and because I have experience with injection moulding I discovered the part separated at the knit line. I’m not one to be discouraged easily, so I figured that maybe a little Krazy Glue might work. It was delicate surgery lol. I got it glued back together then let it sit to dry. I’ve been able to make 5 cups so far. At least it will give me time to explore and compare new ones. But every time I make a cup I’m always wondering with apprehension, will this cup be the last!?!?
Today I’d like to write about something a little off topic yet relates in a round about way also. It’s actually for James 😊. He will know why when he reads it. I have a follower, Cascadeblues, who I am feeling compassion for as I read my way through his blog. Being the mom of a 23 and 28 year old, I have been reminded of what my son went through when his dad passed away in 2012. (Yes I married again in 2016 to he who wishes to be obeyed) My son was 17 at the time, we had found out his dad had cancer in January and six months later passed away. It was the worst moment of his life. He was hit by insurmountable depression, was suicidal and self mutilated. Thank God our relationship was so close that he felt comfortable talking to me. I was able to find help for him immediately. Through talking to a psychologist he began writing. Through the writing he began to create songs. I loved sitting and listening to him play his guitar and singing. My boy introduced me to artists such as Front Porch Step, Imagine Dragons and Ed Sheeran. During this time our three pets always had to be close to whoever was in pain. I would come home from work and find the fur babies all sprawled around my boy listening to him lol. They all have very different personalities, the old man is a ginger cat that has the Pinocchio syndrome. He wants to be a real boy and tries very hard to be like us two legged creatures. He would sit at the table with the kids when they were doing homework, if I had friends over to play cards he had to be dealt a hand or he would steal yours. Baby boy is the youngest, the most spoiled and biggest pest to his brothers. He is carefree, very vocal and lanky to a point of being awkward. He is always bugging the other two, hiding and jumping out at them. Mamas boy is the middle brother, he is placid and sometimes has to take a back seat because baby boy is demanding all the attention. Mamas boy doesn’t mind having cats as brothers, in fact baby boy loves him. These three are my world. They have given unconditional love during bad days, they make me laugh when I have tears streaming down my face. I committed to caring for them forever, to never give up on them, to provide the best home possible. In return they bring joy, laughter and purpose. These photos are for you James. Meet my fur family.
When I was working full time, and shift work at that, it was the same. I needed to be up to have dinner made, I needed to get up at 4:30 sometimes 5:30 in the morning to make his coffee, if I was at work dinner was to be made and left for him. The house cleaned, laundry done, the animals taken care of, what did he do…..played video games. Outside work was his job and inside work is mine. Today as I look out the window at 3 foot tall weeds I can see it’s been over a month since the lawn was mowed. Weeds are coming through the flower beds I lay and planted. But I’m not allowed to mow because I don’t do it right… it’s grass!! No I don’t mow with a program in mind, diagonally to the left then the other way left to right right to left. Yes I’m rolling my eyes right now. It’s true he does something right but that’s only when he does it. I’m a strike while the irons hot person and he procrastinates. Anything that stops him from playing video games is always put on the back burner.
It came to a head when I lost my full time job. He told me to leave because I said I could no longer meet his demands of getting up to wake him up with coffee ready and have a full meal cooked for him while I was at work. I asked him who did this before we met, how did he not starve having no one to cook for him.
I have had a part time job now for two years in a medical clinic. My boss is wonderful. It’s a dream job but it’s part time. During my days off I clean entertain the pets and design jewelry. It occupies my mind during the bad days and gives something to focus on. I find my creativity soars when he is at his worst. Of course the more I succeed the more jealous he is. It’s a no win situation living with a narcissist. They have no pride in your accomplishments because it does nothing for them. Except when I sell, then he is more than happy to use the money. For me it’s not about selling or making money, it’s about the feeling I get from creating something beautiful. I love hearing how my pieces make people feel. The world is a beautiful place, everyday is a great day, just some are better than others.