Life Can Be Strange

Life can be strange and blessings stranger. He who wishes to be obeyed is still unemployed, for some reason he is speaking nicely to me at this time. That only means he wants something, has done something or is about to.

I haven’t heard anything about the housing application I filled out. Housing is limited. And anyone who is high priority will receive it first. But that’s ok because I’m becoming stronger and more self assured each day. He can no longer bully me into doing things and yelling at me doesn’t work because I just walk away. I am able to stand with my head held high and with authority tell him no.

Now for great news!! As you know I make jewelry as a hobby. I’m excited to announce three of my pieces are in the Inspiration section of Making Jewellery Magazine issue 127 released today! I am proud, I am thrilled, I’m tickled pink lol.

He can tell me all he wants my hobby is nothing. I have proof it’s more than he gives credit for.

Visit me on Instagram to follow or hit a like button or two or three lol.

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Forgive Me

I am in the wrong. Please forgive me!! I posted a few weeks back about my sweet Gizmo and forgot to update you!!!!! I would like to thank a dear reader for reminding me of this.

The tests came back in our favor, two lipoma!!! Thank you Dr Pimplepopper for educating me on what that is lol. Basically a lipoma is like a little balloon with mushy skin cells in it. Nothing serious thank goodness. If in the future either one becomes bothersome or in the way then they can be removed but otherwise there is no need for surgery.

Thank you for your support, thank you for caring. And thank you for helping me feel not so alone.

Anything but this…..

My pride and joy is my 7 year old Yorkie fur baby Gizmo. He was there when my first husband of twenty years was diagnosed with cancer. He was there when my daughter moved overseas. He was there when my son met the love of his life and moved out. And he has been with me in this relationship through the highs and lows. Gizmo goes everywhere with me. Today at his yearly vet checkup it was confirmed that one of the lumps he has is not a hernia. That was bittersweet because that meant he also had to have a biopsy today. I will be on pins and needles this next week awaiting the results. If it comes back as a lipoma that’s great because no surgery will be necessary unless it gets too large and affects his mobility. But there is the other side it could come back as cancerous and I don’t even want to think about that. I was so proud of him when they took the cell samples. He didn’t flinch or even blink. Everyone there came in to see him and give him hugs. He is a little love bug and lapped up all the attention. I broke down though….I can’t imagine a day without him.

You are probably wondering what reaction he who wishes to be obeyed had. He has been home smoking his pot and playing video games, talking to people on the games. No he is still unemployed and has not attempted to look for a job.

But that’s not my concern at this time. My concern is Gizmo and praying that the results come back in our favour.

Happy Heart Day To All

Happy heart day everyone. I have had the pleasure of watching young love and old love around me enjoying the day set aside for them to celebrate their love. I do not feel cheated that for myself the day has no meaning. I do however feel slightly embarrassed when I’m asked what did you get for valentines, or are you going somewhere special for dinner, and my answer is simply we choose not to celebrate this day and move on to talk about something else. But it does not stop me from wishing others a happy heart day. I do wish I had something to celebrate…I know it will be happy furentines. My fur babies will be my valentines lol. Their love is unconditional, no matter what they are happy to see me. They never complain about their food. Lol.

Happy Furentines everyone that has fur babies. May their noses be cold and kisses sloppy.

Winter and Cabin Fever

I wouldn’t say I’m a winter person, but, I don’t hate it. It’s the days that reach windchill factors of -30 that I would rather avoid. Even my pooch has a tough time, he will make it to the bottom of the garden but then needs to be carried back. It doesn’t take long for his little paws to freeze up. He who wishes to be obeyed has ventured out, yes he has actually stepped out of the house four times now since he lost his job last October. Twice to clear snow because the neighbor has been coming over and ploughing the driveway for me and twice to go and buy cigarettes. Other than that he is perched on the couch in underwear playing video games or watching movies barking demands, spewing insults or accusations. His latest is bombing me with boyfriend accusations. If I worked overtime, I’m out with my boyfriend, if I go to the grocery store, I have a date with my boyfriend, if I go into work early, I’m seeing my boyfriend. Just last Tuesday I was talking to my cousin who lives to the west, it was 9 here but would only be around 7 his time. He who wishes to be obeyed barked, “who are you texting this time of night”, I answered my cousin, which was met with “what’s his name”, and “sure you are”. I just shook my head. My family is disgusted to say the least at his behaviour. He tried to portray himself as the perfect person which was seen through. The only thing I haven’t told my family about is the marijuana use he has started. Day and night it smells like a skunk has gone through the house. I keep the bedroom door closed I stay in to keep the smell out. He lies to people and says he only uses it to sleep. If that was the case it’s not working very well because he is constantly high until he runs out. Then it’s mr grumpy bump on a log until more arrives in the mail. I no longer am afraid to go out of the house. If I want to go somewhere I go. I don’t tell him or look for approval I just go. Oh yes you can be sure it bothers him not having control. I’m counting the days till the park opens and I can spend time at the trailer. Bonfires, sunny days, starry nights. But until then it’s hot chocolate, blankets, and snowy days.

Seriously….

Well we made it three days into the new year before the monster from the deep emerged. I do have to laugh at the pathetic attempt he made to try and upset me.

My fur baby and I were up early, went outside and cleared the deck and driveway of snow. The plough had been by and left quite a bit at the end of the driveway. I cleaned off my car, made some pathways in the yard for the pup to run in and then started on housework. All while he who wished to be obeyed sat on the couch playing video games and barking out requests. I want treats, make me breakfast, go get the mail, the driveway didn’t need it you could just drive on it to go to work. Seriously….I simply looked at him and said if you want breakfast make it yourself. I have a feeling he has ordered more pot which would be why he wants me to go for the mail. Because I said no I was called a bitch, told I was selfish, a selfish bitch. He began putting down the jewelry I make, saying it’s junk, garbage. Well I will let you be the judge…I’ve included a photo of the piece I made this morning.

Pathetic. He just doesn’t see or hear what he is doing. And I am quite sure he doesn’t care either.

Reflection

So the following post I wrote the other day but never published it. New Year’s Day is now at an end. I have to admit that he who wishes to be obeyed did say happy New Years, albeit a day early…and I haven’t noticed the smell of Cannabis in the house, though he could be out, it has been a very calm entry into 2019. I do appreciate that however I’m not holding my breath because just like a winter storm I have no idea when he will erupt or how long it will last.

Today has been a day of reflection for me. Which means it’s been an emotionally charged day. I’m not really sure what it is that ignites and fuels my minds desire to relive these memories. The emotions of regret, fear, sadness, embarrassment feel just as real now as they did in the past. Sometimes I wonder where would I be now if just one moment of my life were to change. In all honesty I can’t say I would do anything different in retrospect. Life is a lesson, you’ll keep making mistakes until you learn the lesson and move on. We make mistakes once, maybe twice, after that they are a habit.

I don’t make new year resolutions. Every day is a chance to improve. Why wait for the end of the year. I do hope for happiness, patience, and understanding which all starts with my own outlook. So I choose to be happy,

What Does Christmas Mean

Apart from the inevitable, a celebration of the birth of Christ…I believe Christmas is the gathering of family, good food, sharing memories, laughter, and love. On Christmas morning my fur baby and I loaded the car with food and gifts then set off on our two hour road trip. We were first to arrive at my moms, followed by my brother and then my son and his girlfriend. Missing was my older brother and daughter. Thanks to Apple and FaceTime we were able to talk to them despite the distance. My son brought his in-laws pup to play with Gizzy. It was like watching toddlers, they had so much fun chasing each other and playing while we looked on in utter amusement. We ate, and ate some more, laughed over memories and caught up on each other’s lives. My son was telling us about a great game he played at the in-laws. You have headphones on and your partner says a phrase which you have to repeat. Some of the results were hilarious. My family enjoys games, age doesn’t matter, we all still love playing games. The night wore on and slowly there was only myself and the fur boy left. We spent the night and had a great time just sitting, relaxing and watching tv and chatting with my mom. This morning we loaded up the car and headed home. I spent the day reflecting on how wonderful Christmas was. Next year I can look forward to my daughter being home and you know, maybe we will all plan a trip to my older brothers for Christmas.

Christmas Countdown

The final week is upon us. I went out Saturday alone to pick up gifts for my family. He who wishes to be obeyed did not want to participate. He asked me what I want for Christmas because he isn’t going to buy something I might not want. I looked at him and my answer was “nothing”. What is the point. Gifts are given by people that genuinely are seeking to give pleasure to the recipient. I want nothing. I asked him to stop swearing at me, I asked him to stop yelling at me. I asked him to stop accusing me of untrue actions, I asked him to not smoke pot in the house. I have asked him to help me, I’ve asked him to do things around the house. He is unemployed, sits on the couch in his underwear playing video games all night. He wakes up at dinner time and expects food because he is hungry. If he is unable to comply with any of these requests why would I want a Christmas gift. It would have no meaning no sentiment it would only be him trying to look good in front of my family. That is if he goes. My plans are this coming weekend to complete the baking and start the trifle on Saturday. Sunday I’ll get the turkey and stuffing cooked. Monday I work 8-11am. I’ll come home load up the gifts for family and food, my overnight bag and the dog then head out. My family lives two hours away so I should arrive in plenty of time to heat up the food for dinner. He hasn’t said yet, he usually waits till the last minute, to say he isn’t going. I’m not expecting him to go because I plan on spending the night. That means he would have to smoke outside there and there would be no pot tolerated whatsoever. Plus he would have to get dressed. So I am looking forward to a peaceful Christmas. The weather looks like it is going to be good for driving. So Christmas will be filled with family, good food and fun.

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