You open your eyes and listen…you hear the rustle of the cat playing, feel the pressure of the dog laying against you. No noise from the narc. The last time you heard them was at 4am yelling about another player on the video game cheating and how he was going to teach them a lesson. Through out the night you’d be woken by his booming voice and laughter being life of the party with his friends. He calls them friends even though they have never met and maybe if they did know him maybe they wouldn’t be interested. You get all total about 3-4 hours sleep a night because you’re woken non stop. He will crash around 4 or 5 am and sleep for 6-8 hours. While he is sleeping you go about your day being as quiet as possible because it would be hell if you woke him. Some days he wants to interact and will stay up just to throw insults or start fights. Most days it’s easy to ignore the verbal bait but sometimes it’s unbearable because a nerve has been hit. Your mind isn’t relaxed you are always on alert. He knows I’m waiting for housing to leave and is using everything he possibly can to upset me. He has threatened to burn down the trailer, open the door and let my pets out (the cats are indoor and the dog would run). He has threatened to sell the house for what is owing so I get nothing. I just want to leave, take my pets and go. Most days I feel depressed, covered in a dark cloud. I love my job the people are wonderful my boss is great. It’s a retreat for me. My hobby is a place to escape.
When I hear him waking it’s time to prepare a meal. He doesn’t like change or anything different it’s mashed potatoes and meat. I have to make sure he has bags of potato chips, pudding and other treats to snack on. Oh and coke. He drinks nothing but coke, no water no juice just coke. When I buy fruits and veggies I get yelled at for buying something he doesn’t like. And he claims I never buy anything he likes. It’s the narcs game, blame blame blame deny deny deny. It’s frustrating you feel like you’re losing your mind.
On nice days I like to sit outside with the dog and close my eyes, let the breeze brush over me and feel the warmth of the sun on my face. For a brief moment I can forget and just be…..