A Fairy Tale …. of sorts

Once upon a time in a village far far away, there lived a maiden. She was not of royal decent, nor was she regal in anyway. She was simple, enjoyed a simple life, and simple pleasures. The maiden lived alone except for the company of her treasured pets. They were loyal, their love was unconditional. The maiden was happy, content in her existence.

One cold, blustery winter day the maiden met a knight on a quest. The knight was confident, somewhat arrogant but charming in a way the maiden had never experienced before. His voice echoed a sound familiar in her mind. His laughter was hypnotic, drawing her closer to the mystery of who this knight was.

Winter days soon passed, snow melted dampening the earth, new growth began and closer still the maiden became.

The knight, clad in dark armour, shielded from light would never remove his helmet to reveal himself. Would never reveal the nightmare that resided within. Always hiding the web weaved to trap the unsuspecting maiden.

It was a beautiful warm day yet in the distance dark clouds formed. The maiden thought how ominous this looked but the thought quickly left her when faced with the overwhelming charm of the knight. The maiden was oblivious to the frantic weaving of spiders that surrounded her. Tick tick tick as they spun and gathered silvery threads tick tick tick capturing the unsuspecting maiden tick tick tick forcing the maiden into a dark cold sleep tick tick tick.

Opening her eyes, the maiden thought how strange she didn’t recall falling asleep, perhaps she was still dreaming. Her surroundings whirled around her, sounds crashed like waves over her. A shadowy figure approached but never close enough, always staying within the mist that enveloped her. The knight preyed on the light within the maiden. Seeking to extinguish it like the flame of a candle with his darkness. Voices, shrill and piercing filled his head, commanding, ordering the knight to conquer the goodness, the bright light that filled the maiden.

Stay tuned!! More to come!!


Learning To Say No

It’s only two letters, but it’s the hardest to say. If you lack self esteem saying no to a narcissistic person is impossible. Or is it? Life with a narcissist goes one of two ways, with the current or against it. When you search deep within for your true self it’s amazing the power you can find to stand up to a narcissist. Don’t worry about what they will think of you, don’t worry about what they say to you. Their reaction is the result of the fact they are losing power to control you and they know it. He who wishes to be obeyed becomes nasty when this happens. He is unemployed, sits on the couch playing video games and expects to have coffee made for him, meals served, and if that doesn’t happen the storm begins. Today I went for a chiropractic appointment prior to my dental appointment. When I came home between I parked closer to our deck, when he rolled off the couch I was bombarded with questions “where were you” where I go every Friday morning the chiropractor, “where’s your car”, in the driveway, “why did you park there”, what does it matter where I park have you got nothing better to do than complain about where I park. I was given the mumble treatment after that which I just ignored. When leaving for the dentist his reply to me was “yeah you do what you gotta do and I’ll do what I gotta do”, seriously that’s the best you have lol. This was the second week I had major dental work. My mouth is full of stitches it is painful but bearable. Do I have any help, of course not, sympathy definitely not, all he wants to know is what I’ll cook because he hasn’t eaten all day. You probably are asking why am I still here..the answer is the same as most would say. I can’t afford to leave. My job wouldn’t pay rent, I have pets I love and most places refuse pets. It is easier to stay than go through the hassle of leaving, I’ve left before when I had a place to go to. If I knew then what I know now … famous last words. I can’t even say I love him anymore. He isn’t the person I met and fell in love with. We live separately his choice in the house. It’s been over a year that he started sleeping in the couch, saying it was because of his shoulder, then because he went to sleep late and didn’t want to wake me. Now he is up all night playing games and sleeps during the day. It suits me fine, I don’t have to interact with him then. It’s sad that what started out so wonderful and could be beautiful is nothing more than a lie. Maybe I’m hoping that it will change, that he does care.

Mantra of the day…all will be fine.

It’s taken me since last Wednesday to be able to sit down and put my thoughts together rationally. But that’s when I felt like I had a rug pulled from under me.

Wednesday morning began the same as every other weekday morning. At 5:30 am I get up to make sure he who wishes to be obeyed is up. By 6:00 he is up dressed and has had a coffee. 6:30 he leaves. I begin the day cleaning, doing laundry the usual. At 8am I heard his truck pull in the driveway. I went to the door saw him smiling. It was not a normal smile. It had something sinister about it. As he walked up to the patio door he said well looks like I get the winter off. I was shocked as the words flew around my head. Finally I asked what happened. He said before he logged in the supervisor called him into the office and said he was terminated effective immediately, he was not a good fit for the company. Immediately he began his speech of how he never did anything. He never swore, never took a day off. I reminded him of the video he sent to the dispatcher and in it he was swearing and saying if they sent him to this place again he would quit. He had told the same dispatcher two other times he was going to quit. I explained that the company most likely felt that rather than have him always threatening to quit they would let him go. This was the last day of his probation at work. 90 days he needed to control his language and temper, yet he couldn’t. Will he qualify for ei I don’t know. I had to push him into applying for that. As I write this he is in the same place he has been since Wednesday, sitting on the couch playing video games. I have been on his case about closing the trailer which the deadline is tomorrow to get into the park. Garbage is piled up outside waiting to go to the dump. Why don’t I take it you ask…because I’m not allowed to take his truck. And if I went alone I’m accused of going to meet someone. I’m at a point when he accuses me I just agree and ask him if he’s jealous. Not only is he narcissistic but also lazy, a procrastinator and seriously lacking motivation. Sorry I’m venting…he believes I should feel sorry for him. I don’t. He orchestrated this it was his actions that caused this company to terminate him, he can blame no one, but yet he does. This is the narcissist in him, he feels that he was picked in, the other drivers didn’t like him, he was set up. It is sad to think how it must feel believing these things on a daily basis, having only feelings of negativity, nothing positive in your thoughts. I can’t even imagine life like that yet I live with it daily. What’s next, I have no clue, we will see. Tomorrow is a new day and all will be fine.

Somehow This Will All Come Back On Me…

I feel like one of the three little pigs with the wolf blowing at my door. He who wishes to be obeyed is targeting work this week. He hates his new job, it’s been 2 1/2 months and already he is threatening them he will quit because he doesn’t like the jobs he’s being given. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but when you hate your job and quit on the spot to go to another job, wouldn’t it look a tad suspect to the next employer that you may not be reliable. I mean, saying you didn’t like your job, as a reason for quitting doesn’t rank too high does it? I love my job, I loved every job I’ve ever had. Sure there was problems they weren’t all perfect but in each one there was something I loved about it. I think that is the narcissists problem that they are unable to be optimistic, positivity doesn’t exist, well they can fake it but honestly they don’t have a positive bone in their body. We are all faced with issues, how we react will determine the outcome. You will either learn and move on or complain and stay stuck in your rut.

A Wonderful Week Is Over

For the past week my mom and daughter were staying at my trailer. It was wonderful to have them both nearby. We went shopping, sat by a bob fire, laughed, talked and enjoyed each others company. He who wishes to be obeyed was on his best behaviour lol. He hasn’t shown his true colours to my family because he usually chooses to avoid them. It cuts down on the time he has to pretend to be the perfect spouse. Although I have noticed that when talking to them he typically gets the conversation in the poor me direction that he is treated so poorly at work, as well as how perfect he is and how they would be lost without him. My dad used to say in any job you’re only as good as your last paycheque.

On Thursday I drove them back to my moms. Last night my daughter flew back home and today we are back to normal.

He who wishes to be obeyed and I had plans to go for breakfast, then run some errands to pick up supplies to close the trailer next weekend. As usual breakfast never happened. He went to sleep last night at 6 pm got up at 4am to play video games and when I got up he decided to go back to sleep. I asked about our plans and his reply was he was tired. So nothing was done. Yes he expects me to do it on my own. He will also accuse me of meeting up with someone should I go out alone. He calls me while working and I sit on the phone for hours listening to him work. He believes I go out wandering around on my days off while he works. I must have a housework fairy, grocery fairy and laundry fairy.

So that which was remains the same however I have wonderful memories when I close my eyes of my mom and daughter.

The Empath

Quite often I find myself embarrassed for he who wishes to be obeyed. Particularly when it comes to my family. This year he began a new behaviour, if it had to do with my family he would either start a fight or have something else to do to avoid seeing them. My mom is 88 and the sweetest, kindest person you could ask to have as a mother in law. She doesn’t cause problems, say anything negative or talk bad about anyone. How on earth can he be so cruel to ignore her. She goes out of her way to be nice and this is the treatment she gets. My daughter flew in from overseas for a week and he didn’t even have the decency to greet her. I know what you’re going to say, he is doing this to hurt me, he knows his treatment towards them will bother me. And you’re right. I lost my dad when I was 27, my mom means the world to me. At 88 she could be here for another ten years or ten days. So to be treated with such disrespect is deplorable. I suppose I shouldn’t expect more as he ignores his own family and treats them no better. I used to make excuses for him, I no longer do that. I say exactly what he is doing. Yet still I feel bad because I don’t want them to think it’s because of something they did. I don’t believe he is able to keep up the act he presented which is why he avoids them. You’ve heard the phrase “oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive ” well I believe he had tangled himself up and doesn’t know how to get out. When we lie we have to continue to lie in order to cover up each one. Eventually it catches up to you and you can’t remember what you’ve said or who you’ve said it to. Honesty is the best policy. If you are honest you will be respected. But lie, and people lose faith in you and no longer know what to believe.

Self Empowerment

Being in a narcissistic relationship isn’t easy. The narcissist will cast doubt, you will feel defeated, depression will set in, your self esteem and confidence will take a blow, but it doesn’t have to be this way. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and then immediately follow with self empowerment. Remember there are hundreds if not thousands of people who love, cherish and appreciate you just the way you are compared to the narcissist who is only one. Strangers that you smile at that have had their day improved because of your smile. The person you let in during traffic, the clerk you asked how their day was, the person you spent a few moments talking to in the grocery store, the neighbor you stopped to help who was struggling, family you spent time with, all of these people appreciate your efforts because your actions were done freely, not selfishly. You are not the narcissist, you are not responsible for their behaviour. Remember they are responsible for their behaviour and you are responsible for how you react to it. They want you to fail, want you to feel bad, want to control you. If you allow them the power they will take it, if you allow them to disrespect you they will. Start today, hold your head high, remember, you are loved, appreciated, and you are beautiful.

That’s Why We Can’t Have Anything Nice….

Triggers, where do I start. You know, it would be so much easier to say what doesn’t bother he who wishes to be obeyed. Even if everything is done right, said right, cooked right, cleaned right, he will still find something to complain about. Sometimes I make a game out of it and try to guess what he will pick at. It’s a coping strategy, it’s how I remember that this is his habit. If I’ve guessed right I just yell bingo and then he looks at me like I’m crazy. It changes his frame of thought and silences him for a bit while he tries to figure out what is going on.

Some days his fuse is extremely short and some days it builds with each irritation that bombards him. At work if he isn’t treated special I’ll get a call. If I don’t side with him, which I usually don’t, then I’m the target for going against him and siding with his boss. Or like tonight, because I didn’t respond the way he expected me to he started asking who was here, what I was doing, then “you sound busy” and hung up on me. I asked him a question in regards to the statements he was making. Never ask questions just take everything he says as truth lol.

He asked me to buy him an earpiece for his phone. I did, I knew at the time I should have refused, but hindsight is 20/20 isn’t it. He had it three days and started complaining. I asked what was wrong, no volume, I asked if he charged it, no. So I plugged it in to charge. Not even five minutes later I heard a noise. He had unplugged it and because it wasn’t working still he threw it across the room and it broke. His reply when I asked why was that it was garbage anyways and I didn’t fix it. Our first Christmas together he bought me nothing, the gifts I gave him sat. Then I was told they were no good and don’t work as well as what he would have bought. My birthday was forgotten, his reason because I didn’t remind him. Our anniversary came and went without any mention.

One thing I did manage to get through to him was no smoking in the vehicle or we go in our own separately. I quit, well it was his idea that we both quit. I was successful and he didn’t even try. So thumbs up for that request to be heard and followed. Yes he complains that I’m the worst that ex smokers are the worst. But, it wouldn’t seem normal if he didn’t have some complaint lol. I just smile and say isn’t it great that I don’t smell like an old ashtray.

So tonight, as I wait for him to arrive home, I am filled with the accusations that I bet I’ll get. I’m sure he will either accuse me of having someone here or that I wasn’t home I was out with my boyfriend. Well no matter what at least I might win and be able to yell bingo!

What Goes Up Must Come Down…sooner or later.

The tide has changed, perhaps the planets have aligned. I am not sure what has created the shift but for now there is peace in the house. I’m used to this pattern and know it won’t last so it’s best to enjoy it while it lasts.

That being said, tonight I would rather focus on me instead of him. I don’t want to continuously harp on his behaviour. We know what narcissistic personalities do. But there is another side. Mine. I’m not an angel… really! Lol sure I would love to have you all think that, wink wink. My patience has a line that once crossed its difficult to turn back. I can be stubborn, moody, melodramatic, and very sensitive. I take everything to heart. I’m easily hurt. I am an empath. So what ever the mood is around me, I sense it, feel it and exhibit it. There are times I’m not sure if I’m exhibiting my own emotions or what I’m picking up. Pairing an empath and narcissist is like mixing gas with a spark. There’s bound to be a huge explosion.

My problem is that I go quiet when upset. Words are raising through my head yet the road to my mouth is blocked. I find it difficult to express how I’m feeling. I’m more of an introvert, I avoid attention, and prefer being in the background.

I like to avoid confrontation any way possible. That’s why I retreat to my safe haven and design jewelry when the going gets tough. It’s a world where I can drift into my imagination, it’s quiet and calm.

We went out for dinner on Monday and had the most wonderful time. I saw the man I fell in love with. Conversation was light, humorous, engaging. It was like when we first met. Everything that was similar about us was there again. I looked at him and again my heart would beat a little faster. I guess it’s these moments that make it worth fighting for. Remembering that he didn’t want to be a negative poop lol. He has never physically hurt me and has never given the impression he would. I’m the one with the temper that will break a plate or throw things in the garbage. What I’m learning is that it’s not only his behaviour that needs to change but mine also. The way I react can either fuel or calm him. It does bother me all these YouTube videos that bash narcissistic people. They make it sound like the narcissist is the devil and the partner is an angel. In reality that is so far from the truth. The fact is that if you are the partner then you need to be able to look at yourself and honestly say what you may be doing wrong. No one is perfect. But if you can be honest with yourself that is a step in the right direction.

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