I like Monday’s, maybe it’s the routine of the weekdays that I like. Rather than the crazy, unknown, impromptu events of a weekend. But, weekends are great for naps lol. When I was in my twenties I don’t know how I survived on lack of sleep and lack of food. Life revolved around friends, fun and work, work was what funded the fun part. I can’t imagine going to work now with only two hours of sleep. In my thirties the lack of sleep and lack of food continued. Life now revolved around family, home and work. Work paid for the children and making a nest. When my children were born I stopped going out because I wanted to spend time with them and my first husband. My first husband and I enjoyed riding motorbikes. So fun changed into daytime trips and less dancing. Well dancing still happened if you count Barney and Sharon, Lois & Bram. I enjoyed doing activities with my kids. In my forties the kids were older and didn’t want to hang out with mom as much. That’s when hobbies came into the picture. I’m a creator, I love woodworking, sewing, crafting. Pretty much anything I can make with my hands. I took drum lessons and bought a bass guitar and started napping lol. In 2012 my first husband passed away six months after being diagnosed with cancer. My daughter by this time was now living over seas. It was just my son and I at home. We became very close. He became very protective of me. Life became a bit erratic, no sleeping napping only and eating to survive not because I was hungry. It was a bit unnerving, I was so used to being at home, I was nervous about going anywhere. My routine was changed!! I think adults are adaptable but very much like children when there is no routine. It’s an assault to the nervous system. The brain has to catch up. I’ve noticed that my dog is used to routine also. On the days I work he will lay down on the love seat when I’m leaving. But any other time he stands barking expecting to join if I leave the house. I still have naps on weekends, I still have trouble sleeping through the night, but I have my routine.
If there is one thing to be said about a creator, it’s that they are always creating. Their mind or creative brain doesn’t quit. They are always in design mode day and night. I have a journal I keep near me to jot down ideas when they hit day and night. It’s not unusual to wake up during a deep sleep with an idea. My latest idea emerged while in the middle of a period of anger. He who wishes to be obeyed is ecstatic with the new Canadian law of legalized marijuana. I am not. The smell causes migraines for me, it lingers in the air and on my clothes. I have job which puts me in direct contact with the public. I do not want to smell like pot. I pointed this out to him. Did it change anything? Of course not and I didn’t think it would. I am angry with his selfishness, his insensitivity and lack of caring. I just described a narcissist didn’t I. I am currently secluded to one room at the back of the house with the door closed to keep out the smoke and smell. While sitting I looked at my tools and had an idea. A survivor bracelet. I chose three materials. Rattail cord which identifies the tightrope a survivor walks on, Green Jasper Agate beads signifying the hard outer shell a survivor must create in order to move forward. And a lava bead to remember that all things are possible through God. I love essential oils and can put a few drops on the lava bead which can give me something nice to smell anytime and anyplace. If you are interested as a survivor visit InsideTheJewelryBox
Christmas isn’t all lights and wishes when you live with a narcissist, but if you have Christmas spirit in your heart it can be a fairytale. You are the key in all this, you are the snowflake that falls in the darkness, catching shards of light and turning it into sparkling diamonds giving glimpses of Christmas magic. Choose not to allow your happiness to be smothered. Let the magic in you shine. Think of your outer self as stained glass. When your light shines within it illuminates your outer beauty.
A hobby of mine is creating jewelry. I can lose hours when creating. It helps me get through the tough days. Helps me remember the creative happy person I am. He who wishes to be obeyed sees nothing valuable in my hobby. But that’s ok because I don’t share his passion for video games. We are both passionate about our hobbies we just have different interests.
Today I would love to share my passion and invite you to visit my page on Facebook, InsideTheJewelryBox .
I feel like one of the three little pigs with the wolf blowing at my door. He who wishes to be obeyed is targeting work this week. He hates his new job, it’s been 2 1/2 months and already he is threatening them he will quit because he doesn’t like the jobs he’s being given. Now correct me if I’m wrong, but when you hate your job and quit on the spot to go to another job, wouldn’t it look a tad suspect to the next employer that you may not be reliable. I mean, saying you didn’t like your job, as a reason for quitting doesn’t rank too high does it? I love my job, I loved every job I’ve ever had. Sure there was problems they weren’t all perfect but in each one there was something I loved about it. I think that is the narcissists problem that they are unable to be optimistic, positivity doesn’t exist, well they can fake it but honestly they don’t have a positive bone in their body. We are all faced with issues, how we react will determine the outcome. You will either learn and move on or complain and stay stuck in your rut.
For the past week my mom and daughter were staying at my trailer. It was wonderful to have them both nearby. We went shopping, sat by a bob fire, laughed, talked and enjoyed each others company. He who wishes to be obeyed was on his best behaviour lol. He hasn’t shown his true colours to my family because he usually chooses to avoid them. It cuts down on the time he has to pretend to be the perfect spouse. Although I have noticed that when talking to them he typically gets the conversation in the poor me direction that he is treated so poorly at work, as well as how perfect he is and how they would be lost without him. My dad used to say in any job you’re only as good as your last paycheque.
On Thursday I drove them back to my moms. Last night my daughter flew back home and today we are back to normal.
He who wishes to be obeyed and I had plans to go for breakfast, then run some errands to pick up supplies to close the trailer next weekend. As usual breakfast never happened. He went to sleep last night at 6 pm got up at 4am to play video games and when I got up he decided to go back to sleep. I asked about our plans and his reply was he was tired. So nothing was done. Yes he expects me to do it on my own. He will also accuse me of meeting up with someone should I go out alone. He calls me while working and I sit on the phone for hours listening to him work. He believes I go out wandering around on my days off while he works. I must have a housework fairy, grocery fairy and laundry fairy.
So that which was remains the same however I have wonderful memories when I close my eyes of my mom and daughter.
Communication…what does it mean to you? Communication comes in many forms. Electronic, verbal, written, body language, tone, it’s two way. How we perceive we are communicating may not necessarily be the way we are received. In fact some people are not able to communicate and don’t even know where to begin.
He who wishes to be obeyed is one of them. His method of communication is loud, at times arrogant and forceful. The words please and thank you are lost in his vocabulary. It is almost as though kindness, compliments and good deeds make him uncomfortable and he doesn’t know how to respond. When he wants something it comes across as a demand in a snide snarky way. He doesn’t see it that way nor does he understand that’s how it sounds. It is difficult to not take his tone personally and I suppose if it wasn’t for the fact I’m interested in the psychological aspect of his personality I would be long gone. I don’t profess to understand what he went through as a child because I was raised in a loving Christian home. But I do understand what he went through was traumatic and made him who he is today.
In the bible God tells us not to judge, to turn the other cheek and to forgive. I have been blessed, my entire life God has provided and paved my way. I am where I need to be this is my purpose. He who wishes to be obeyed always says I have more faith, a stronger faith than he does. When you believe you have peace.
Some days I don’t recognize her…the face in the mirror staring blankly back at me. There is no spark in her eyes, no fire in her spirit. She has given up, thrown in the towel, waved the white flag. Some mornings I wake up and feel intuitively that it isn’t going to be a good day. As much as I believe everyday is a good day, only some are better than others, it becomes a chore to be positive. Some days that burden, that rock hanging on my neck feels so heavy. Those are the days that the fighter in me steps up to bat. This fighter takes over because she refuses to be silenced, she won’t allow someone to disrespect her, she refuses to allow her creativity and imagination be stepped on. I like her. She has guts. She will defend and ask questions later. She has an ally, the fighter has faith in God. Even though times may get tough the fighter has faith that God will give her wings to fly, he will be a light in the darkness, arms cradling her in the cold.
I am a fighter, I am creative, I am smart, and with God I am me.
There are many that will be able to sympathize with me today. It is definitely a sad day. My coffee maker, a popular brand that will remain unnamed, has bit the dust. Because of the size of part I need, very small yet very important, I called customer service to purchase one. The coffee maker was only purchased two years ago so it’s not that old. The part I need is a silicone gasket that surround the piercing needle to ensure a seal is created. I was informed that the coffee maker is no longer being manufactured and they have no seals….seriously you may as well have cut off my leg! Then I was told they would sell me a new one at 20% off the price. When I refused the offer the customer representative went on to apologize and offer me two boxes of 44 count coffee…. ok now call me crazy, but, I called to purchase a part for my coffee maker that is not working, and I’m offered coffee for it? I like to think of myself as a rational and common sense kind of person, but where does that make sense!! I started laughing and said unless you’re going to give me a machine that works the coffee is useless to me. Green mountain you need to tell your reps that they don’t have to stick to the script in front of them that sometimes a little brain work is necessary. I sat for a few hours looking at the part after and because I have experience with injection moulding I discovered the part separated at the knit line. I’m not one to be discouraged easily, so I figured that maybe a little Krazy Glue might work. It was delicate surgery lol. I got it glued back together then let it sit to dry. I’ve been able to make 5 cups so far. At least it will give me time to explore and compare new ones. But every time I make a cup I’m always wondering with apprehension, will this cup be the last!?!?
Today I’d like to write about something a little off topic yet relates in a round about way also. It’s actually for James 😊. He will know why when he reads it. I have a follower, Cascadeblues, who I am feeling compassion for as I read my way through his blog. Being the mom of a 23 and 28 year old, I have been reminded of what my son went through when his dad passed away in 2012. (Yes I married again in 2016 to he who wishes to be obeyed) My son was 17 at the time, we had found out his dad had cancer in January and six months later passed away. It was the worst moment of his life. He was hit by insurmountable depression, was suicidal and self mutilated. Thank God our relationship was so close that he felt comfortable talking to me. I was able to find help for him immediately. Through talking to a psychologist he began writing. Through the writing he began to create songs. I loved sitting and listening to him play his guitar and singing. My boy introduced me to artists such as Front Porch Step, Imagine Dragons and Ed Sheeran. During this time our three pets always had to be close to whoever was in pain. I would come home from work and find the fur babies all sprawled around my boy listening to him lol. They all have very different personalities, the old man is a ginger cat that has the Pinocchio syndrome. He wants to be a real boy and tries very hard to be like us two legged creatures. He would sit at the table with the kids when they were doing homework, if I had friends over to play cards he had to be dealt a hand or he would steal yours. Baby boy is the youngest, the most spoiled and biggest pest to his brothers. He is carefree, very vocal and lanky to a point of being awkward. He is always bugging the other two, hiding and jumping out at them. Mamas boy is the middle brother, he is placid and sometimes has to take a back seat because baby boy is demanding all the attention. Mamas boy doesn’t mind having cats as brothers, in fact baby boy loves him. These three are my world. They have given unconditional love during bad days, they make me laugh when I have tears streaming down my face. I committed to caring for them forever, to never give up on them, to provide the best home possible. In return they bring joy, laughter and purpose. These photos are for you James. Meet my fur family.
Happy Friday everyone!