Tiny Steps

Picture yourself on a tightrope, all is well but now the wind is picking, you have no control nothing to grasp, you begin to fall…..he who wishes to be obeyed has lost control, is grasping at lose ends, has entered panic mode. Because I have limited income from my job, I have applied for income assisted housing. Even if I was able to financially obtain an apartment there are none available. My family is not in a position to help with accommodation, they live two hours away. And, I would not think of asking them for money. I don’t want them worried about what he may do. So….I will wait till I hear from the city before telling them. It’s a tiny step, but it is a step none the less. I still am struggling with the things he says to me that tend to create self doubt. I know it comes from his awareness of losing control. I know that is what a narcissist fears most. But it is still degrading and fear invoking.

It’s been a roller coaster morning of him yelling in my face that I’m the reason for our problems, that I’m the one that makes people crazy. Then the ordering, that I will do everything a wife is expected to do and if I don’t then I had better get out. I reminded him that I was waiting to hear back from housing and was told to remember he has no job so I can’t go for any spousal. I just want to take what little possessions I have left now and leave. So dear readers, wish me the best and remember to look for updates.

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