The tide has changed, perhaps the planets have aligned. I am not sure what has created the shift but for now there is peace in the house. I’m used to this pattern and know it won’t last so it’s best to enjoy it while it lasts.
That being said, tonight I would rather focus on me instead of him. I don’t want to continuously harp on his behaviour. We know what narcissistic personalities do. But there is another side. Mine. I’m not an angel… really! Lol sure I would love to have you all think that, wink wink. My patience has a line that once crossed its difficult to turn back. I can be stubborn, moody, melodramatic, and very sensitive. I take everything to heart. I’m easily hurt. I am an empath. So what ever the mood is around me, I sense it, feel it and exhibit it. There are times I’m not sure if I’m exhibiting my own emotions or what I’m picking up. Pairing an empath and narcissist is like mixing gas with a spark. There’s bound to be a huge explosion.
My problem is that I go quiet when upset. Words are raising through my head yet the road to my mouth is blocked. I find it difficult to express how I’m feeling. I’m more of an introvert, I avoid attention, and prefer being in the background.
I like to avoid confrontation any way possible. That’s why I retreat to my safe haven and design jewelry when the going gets tough. It’s a world where I can drift into my imagination, it’s quiet and calm.
We went out for dinner on Monday and had the most wonderful time. I saw the man I fell in love with. Conversation was light, humorous, engaging. It was like when we first met. Everything that was similar about us was there again. I looked at him and again my heart would beat a little faster. I guess it’s these moments that make it worth fighting for. Remembering that he didn’t want to be a negative poop lol. He has never physically hurt me and has never given the impression he would. I’m the one with the temper that will break a plate or throw things in the garbage. What I’m learning is that it’s not only his behaviour that needs to change but mine also. The way I react can either fuel or calm him. It does bother me all these YouTube videos that bash narcissistic people. They make it sound like the narcissist is the devil and the partner is an angel. In reality that is so far from the truth. The fact is that if you are the partner then you need to be able to look at yourself and honestly say what you may be doing wrong. No one is perfect. But if you can be honest with yourself that is a step in the right direction.