Too Much Time On My Hands

When I was working full time, and shift work at that, it was the same. I needed to be up to have dinner made, I needed to get up at 4:30 sometimes 5:30 in the morning to make his coffee, if I was at work dinner was to be made and left for him. The house cleaned, laundry done, the animals taken care of, what did he do…..played video games. Outside work was his job and inside work is mine. Today as I look out the window at 3 foot tall weeds I can see it’s been over a month since the lawn was mowed. Weeds are coming through the flower beds I lay and planted. But I’m not allowed to mow because I don’t do it right… it’s grass!! No I don’t mow with a program in mind, diagonally to the left then the other way left to right right to left. Yes I’m rolling my eyes right now. It’s true he does something right but that’s only when he does it. I’m a strike while the irons hot person and he procrastinates. Anything that stops him from playing video games is always put on the back burner.

It came to a head when I lost my full time job. He told me to leave because I said I could no longer meet his demands of getting up to wake him up with coffee ready and have a full meal cooked for him while I was at work. I asked him who did this before we met, how did he not starve having no one to cook for him.

I have had a part time job now for two years in a medical clinic. My boss is wonderful. It’s a dream job but it’s part time. During my days off I clean entertain the pets and design jewelry. It occupies my mind during the bad days and gives something to focus on. I find my creativity soars when he is at his worst. Of course the more I succeed the more jealous he is. It’s a no win situation living with a narcissist. They have no pride in your accomplishments because it does nothing for them. Except when I sell, then he is more than happy to use the money. For me it’s not about selling or making money, it’s about the feeling I get from creating something beautiful. I love hearing how my pieces make people feel. The world is a beautiful place, everyday is a great day, just some are better than others.


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