Life has become a tightrope, fear of losing my balance, falling, saying something wrong. I never seem to get it right. But that is life with a narcissist. They always find something to complain about. You spend your days correcting your mistakes only to make more. They don’t see the constant negativity and don’t understand how it hurts.
Some days it’s unbelievably hilarious their accusations, it’s literally something out of a movie. Once I was accused of taking his thumb while he slept and opening his phone, deleting photos and reading his email. I asked how on earth I did it without waking him and why I would even want to. Then it dawned on me and I asked what are you hiding that I would need to go to those lengths and exactly what were the photos of I apparently deleted. Of course I was met with “that’s ok you play your game” I just shook my head in disbelief and walked away.
Everything changes on a daily basis. What is liked one day when he’s in a good mood is hated the next.
I’ve learned to not react because it only makes things worse. He becomes louder and more verbally abusive. I’ve been kicked out only to be stopped once the car was loaded with my belongings. It’s always my fault however because I don’t do one thing or another or I keep secrets or I’m lying or cheating. The list of things I’ve apparently done is long. When no reaction is received to an outburst he just goes down the list until he hits a tender spot. Which is my pets. He has threatened to get rid of them while I’m at work. I had them before we met but once we were married he wanted me to give them away or put them down. They aren’t sick or causing problems they just don’t listen to him which is one of the things a narcissist can’t stand. To not be the moon and stars to the world. If it weren’t for my pets I believe I would be stark raving mad by now.