It’s 2:30 am and as usual I’m sitting here in the dark, awake, wondering how on earth I ended up in this mess. I have no friends, my family is two hours away, I work part time, and, I’m married to a narcissist.
This blog is an attempt to reach out and find others like myself, male and female, who feel solitary, lonely, confused, ostracized, cut off from the world, trapped but most importantly you have reached a point where you are starting to believe your abuser is right. I said starting, yet you have enough wits left to know they are not.
This is how those that wish to be obeyed operate. They pierce everything that is good about you, cause you to question your own actions and reduce you to an empty shell.
Support, you have none. Our captors want no one that may see their true nature near us. They want us to be that scared rabbit in a corner, alone, in order to berate, attack, confuse, and keep us in line. They feed off our honesty, empathy, and devotion. Using it against us. They have no empathy, they are unable to imagine what we are going through, how we feel when they slice us to ribbons with mean, spiteful words. And we are left beaten, confused that someone who professes love could say those words and then turn around only to act like nothing happened.
During an outburst remember, all that is coming out of their mouth is verbal diarrhea. They have no control, limited recollection of the words spewing from that gaping hole in their face. I know it’s hard not to defend yourself when attacked, and it’s hard to hold back from retaliation.
Look at them. Look very close. They are scared, they need validation. They didn’t ask or choose to be this way. They won’t seek help because they are lost souls that believe everything they do and say is right. And to seek help means they are wrong or perhaps seeking help will uncover and bring to light the horrible person they are. That is a reality they don’t wish to face. Their world is covered with cheese cloth, reality doesn’t exist.